4 Months

Sweet Baby K,

Can I call you that forever? I’m sure you’ll protest when your 35, but for now…you don’t have much of a say in it 😉 Happy 4 months to you, dear boy. I hope I haven’t failed you. This month has been another tough one for you. You spit up a lot, you have trouble napping, and sometimes you scream out in pain. We’ve been attempting to fix the latter with medicine and I hope you’re feeling at least a little better. I don’t want you to hurt, ya know?

You have begun to laugh out loud this month and my, oh my, if it isn’t the cutest thing in the whole wide world! It makes my day every time I hear it.

You are also grasping at your toys on your play mat now. You can hold them pretty well. You’ve also learned to take your paci out of your mouth, which I’m not as pleased with because you can’t seem to put it back in.

I fear you’re becoming very attached to your mommy and daddy because we never leave you with anyone else. Secretly, I enjoy being the one you want and need. But I also worry that you won’t be very independent as a young un because of our preferences. We want you to feel secure and confident as you grow!

You are so close to rolling over! We love to try to help you, but you can’t seem to maneuver that big ole cloth diaper over all the way. It frustrates you to no end. You get that from both sides, Baby K. We, too, find it annoying when we can’t do something we want to be able to do. If you rolled over, I think it might not be fun for you because you still don’t like tummy time. Despite this, you are doing great in holding your chest off the ground with your hands.

I’m really proud of you, K!

Happy 4 Months to you! I promise every birthday won’t come with a bunch of shots.

Love you to the moon and back,

Mom

 

Mrs. K- shower ninja?

After a good study with the ladies at PWOC, a lunch with my hubby, and a drive home with my little darlin’ in tow, I realized…I should probably take a shower. I think it has been a day and a half. I know…ew. I hopped in the shower- all the while trying to convince Baby K that this was going to be SO MUCH FUN! I don’t think he was buying it, though as he was stretching out his legs, raising his arms and attempting to escape his bassinett. If he could speak, I’m sure he would have said, “Hold me, woman!”

Despite the challenges, I turned the water on to give it time to get warm.

With the rock-n-play pulled up to the door of my tiny bathroom, I began to wash all the dirt spit up off. With the help of the super loud yet soothing fan in the bathroom, my soon-to-be four month old drifted off to sleep within minutes. Oh, joy! A shower with no screaming. It must be my lucky day.

But then, I realized- How in the sam hill am I going to get out of this bathroom?

The bassinett was blocking my only exit. I turned off the water, dried off, and contemplated my exit strategy. Could I jump over? Probably not.

I could climb the sink. That seemed like an ordeal, though.

Finally, I quietly pushed the door back as far as I could get it, threw my phone onto the bed in the next room, and sucked in what the good Lord gave me. I still can’t believe I made it. There were only inches to work with. I felt like a ninja.

So, what did I do with the valuable alone time I was allotted today? I came to regale you all, of course! But now I think I’ll get to work on my blessings list for today. Happy Tuesday, y’all!

Real Talk

I’ve mentioned before that I read that Moms as a collective group are pretty hard on one another. What about bloggers? What about other Mom Bloggers? I was reading one of the blogs that I subscribe to and she mentioned that instead of talking about how our kids take a lot out of us, we should be thankful that we even have them. Of course! But my blog is my space on the internet and I don’t hold back when I write. Besides, I don’t think there are enough people who write honestly about the stresses and trials that parenting can bring. I don’t think this lady meant anything by it and I’m not upset if she did, but it just made me think about the message mothers are sending out about life as a parent.

Is it too cookie cutter? Do we make it seem easy breezy?

Research suggests that couples with young kids often report much lower levels of happiness than couples who do not have any kids (See this evidenced here). Some parents are quick to tell everyone how great their children make them feel on a daily basis, but they are really feeling quite unhappy. Don’t hate the messenger, folks…it’s just what research seems to show over and over. I thought a lot about this while I was pregnant and I wrote some freelance articles on the topic, but I wanted to bring it here, too.

My blog is a place that I never want to misrepresent myself. My relationship with God is lacking, although I talk about Him and the goodness He has showered over my life. My marriage is far from perfect, too although I tend to gush about the love I have for my husband quite frequently. And parenthood is hard. I’ve never hidden that from all of you who read my blog. There are some days that I feel like I’m barely functioning in my role as a mother. Other days are blissfully sweet and easy. It changes every single day. My love for Baby K does not, though. I love him more than anything in this world and that is something that will be lifelong.

But I think it’s important to talk about what stresses me out, how hard parenting can be at times, AND the joys of raising a baby.

This is my blog and it is a good representation of my daily life. I’m not sugarcoating anything.

Baby K has given me a purpose in this world when I didn’t seem to have one. I’m incredibly grateful that God chose me to be his earthly parent. I wanted him more than any of you all know. I didn’t write much about our struggle to get pregnant here because there are some things that my husband and I agree will not be discussed on the Internet. That’s just our personal decision. You can talk about whatever you want on your blog. It’s your place! But I don’t think I have to tell you how much my sweet little boy is loved. He is my life.

But I do have my struggles. That’s what makes me human.

And I have good news, too! Apparently, the more children you have, the happier you are as you grow older (See Reference Here). This is excellent news for me because Captain J wants about five kids! I think I’ve talked him down to three, though 😉 It doesn’t matter how we get these bundles of joy whether it’s adoption or natural, our children will be loved and cared for more than anything in this world. My life has changed so completely since the birth of Baby K and I truly wouldn’t have it any other way.

And that’s real talk.

Welcome to the Army (and Motherhood)

Every time I sit down to write, Baby K starts his wailin’. I think he hates my blog. Or productivity, as my school work has come to a complete hault.

It’s okay, though because now I know I’m not a completely terrible parent. Doc says he’s got a touch of colic. Without going into too much detail about K’s eating habits (you’re welcome, Dave), I will say that he is eating way too fast and it’s causing the spit up, gas pains, and the like. I’m going to start working on different techniques, but honestly…

I didn’t come here to talk about my son today. I’m exhausted. Drained. Emotional. Drained. Drained. Drained.

Hubby is back from a stint in the field (finally) but it matters very little because he is working on his Master’s, too so when he comes home he has to do that. My relief comes when I get Baby K to sleep at night. I love my little man so much but he is quite needy (my sweet little id) and after doing this by myself a lot lately, I need a break. I need to go some place I won’t be summoned by screaming cries. I need to put on makeup and feel pretty again. I need to enjoy a meal instead of just scarfing something down while bouncing the baby on my hip. Mama needs, too.

I knew this was going to be hard- raising a child. But never in my wildest dreams did I picture myself being a parent in a military family, away from family who could provide a break if need be. Today was just another day that I thought to myself again, “Welcome to the Army”. Everything seems to be harder here.

Lesson Learned

We all have these certain pearls of wisdom that we feel the need to pass onto others before we pass on.

Here’s mine:

When calling the pediatrician, the first sentence is key.

My husband taught me this. Yesterday, I was concerned about the baby for various reasons so I put in a phone call to his doctor. After being passed around several times, I spoke to a nurse who was none too concerned with the symptoms I was listing. She seemed more concerned that her phone call duties had lasted over a minute. Feeling frustrated, as I have on many occasions in dealing with doctors, I hung up the phone with an appointment in three weeks. Three weeks!

This morning I begged and I pleaded with Captain J, “Will you just call them? They’ll listen to you!”

A few minutes later I had an appointment for 10:20 this morning.

“How did you do it?” I asked.

He then explained to me the importance of leading with the absolute worse possible scenario he thought it could be. He said, “I basically told them his toes were about to fall off. It’s what ya gotta do.”

There ya have it.

And this is what I find myself doing this dreary morning- headed to the hospital for little man. More later. 😉

3 Months!

K Baby,

Three months today! You are at the cutest age. I love our precious moments in the morning when you are all smiles and ready to start the day together. You’ve become my sweet buddy. We spend a lot of time together. Your dad has had to work a lot lately and he misses you so much while he’s away. Sometimes he’ll call me in the middle of the day, just to tell me he was thinking about your sweet little face. We love you!

Your sleep habits are pretty great at night. You sleep for about 12 hours, waking up only once to eat. I feel much more refreshed when I wake up now. Thanks for that.

You have begun talking a lot more. You seem to be so surprised when you make a noise and I do believe it’s the most perfect sound in all the world. Your dad is convinced you said hello the other day in response to him. You’re a total genius. The other day I caught you on camera following a direct order from me. Who knew you would turn out to be the smartest 3 month old on the planet? We’re so proud! 😉

This month I started nursing you again and it is going well. I secretely enjoy how much you depend on your mama. I want to treasure every single moment because I hear that children grow up too fast! I think that you might be the most documented child on the planet, too because I take at least 5 billion pictures of you each day on my smart phone. I could stare at your sweet smile for hours. I love the way you clasp your hands together when you’re sleeping or concentrating on something. It’s too cute, Baby K.

I’m so thankful that God has chosen your dad and me to be your earthly parents. My prayer is that one day when you’re older you will recognize that God is your Heavenly Father and that you need Him even more than you need me now. Love you to the moon and back.

Love,

Mama

Treasure

I love this song. Every time I hear the lyric-

“When I don’t measure up too much in this life, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ”

it hits me, makes me tear up. It’s such a powerful statement of God’s love for me (and for you). There’s not much special about me, but I AM set apart through Him. I’m so unworthy of such love, but I have it in my life. I feel so blessed. It makes me think about being a parent. I think about how much I love Baby K, how I want what is best for him, how he lights up when I talk to him, how he depends on me for everything. Isn’t this how our relationship with God is or at least should be? I think about how I can’t imagine loving Baby K any more than I already do…and it blows my mind to think that God loves us that times a thousand.

the rough part of motherhood

There were other things I wanted to post about today. Happy things. But all those are on the back burner, replaced by more important things. Like a discussion of motherhood. Excuse my lack of punctuation. I’m just going to type and see what comes out. I need that tonight.

My day was difficult. I know what you might be thinking- “She stays at home, what does she have going on that might be stressful?” I might have said that, too, many moons ago. Now, I know differently. Now, I see that the mother never truly has a break. She can’t. She stays home to spend as much time as she can with her child. She knows every little thing that goes into that child’s mouth. She knows each triumph and set-back in the child’s day. She’s completely absorbed in all things dealing with her child. There’s never a break. Maybe she has a sitter one day, but her mind rarely leaves this small little being that has become her entire world. ‘Is he okay?’ ‘I wonder what he’s doing’ ‘Should I have left more instruction?’ There’s never a break.

There’s never a break if you care…and I do very much. This is precisely why instead of tackling my long list of “To Do” today, I rocked my child. I fed him. I changed him. I held him skin-to-skin and pleaded with God to help me make him feel better. I willed myself not to cry. I cried anyway.

No one talks about the rough part of motherhood.

It’s the single most important role I’ll ever have in my entire life, a role I wouldn’t change for anything in the world. But it is hard. It’s so hard.

Some days are flawlessly, blissfully simple.

But today just wasn’t one of those days.

Today I neglected the 12 page paper I have that is due on Friday. Today the dishes piled up, the laundry backed up, and the dust stayed on the floor. Today I cried more than I laughed. Today I questioned whether I was a good mother or if God really went out on a limb with trusting me with this beautiful child.

There are some days when I honestly feel as if I have this motherhood thing down. But others I feel helpless and incredibly alone when I realize that there’s no one in this town I can turn to. I can’t call my sister and have her here in five mintues (or even five hours) to help me figure this thing out. I can’t hand Baby K over to his YaYa so that she can work her mommy magic. And it breaks my heart when my own mommy magic won’t kick in and help him to feel better.

My heart is so heavy tonight.

 

What Makes the World Go Round

I’m pretty sure that KISS had it all wrong. They don’t know what makes the world go round. I do, though. It’s coffee. How in the sam hill did I go 9 months without it? Who can trust anyone that looks like KISS, though?

Oh, wait…that’s me. Scratch that.

Another reason I’m functioning today is because my sweet baby boy let me sleep last night (Cue “Hallelujah, hallelujah…”). I think he sensed that yesterday was kinda rough for me and he wanted to give me a break.

I woke up pretty early so I could feed, dress, and change Baby K. I also had to get myself ready along with a breakfast casserole for the bible study group I was headed to. No biggie, right?

Well, perhaps for a pro like yourself, you could do all these things easily. This rookie can’t say that. I’m still working on the supermom role, but it’s not looking good, folks. Anyway, I head off to post to spend some time with the Lord. Just what I needed!

But just when I thought I could get through the morning with absolutely nothing going wrong, I cried. In front of strangers.

#ihatewhenthathappens

If someone asks a first time mom how things are going, they should be prepared for either 1.) a lie 2.) a long, detailed answer. Unfortunately, my long, drawn out answer was tinged with tears and fear. Before I knew it, water works were flowing from my eyes and word vomit was coming from my mouth. It was the classic over-share: “I’m worried about K and his thrush problem”, “I think I’m a terrible mom”, “I don’t know what I’m doing”, “I just want him to feel better”, “His diaper rash is awful”, “My blood pressure is sky high”, “I’m behind in my classes”- and I could continue, but I’ll spare you.

I like to think I’m a strong woman, but I’m a total crier…much to Captain J’s dismay.

Oh, well…sometimes my release is a good talk with a friend, sometimes it’s the words of this blog, and on my least favorite days- It’s a public freak out moment. I suppose I was due.

I’m feeling better now. It must be all the prayers those ladies sent up for me because nothing has really changed. There’s still homework to be done. My house is a wreck. And Baby K and I are still trying to kick this nasty thrush episode.

But today is a new day.

And this little guy and I are going to take it one day at a time.

And, okay, maybe Bob Merrill and/or the boys of KISS were right in that love makes the world go round, too.

Coffee is a close second.

Love,

Mrs. K

I wear many hats.

I wear many hats.

See?

There’s this girl who loves to get dressed up and kiss on her man-

There’s this girl who just enjoys hangin’ out, doing a bunch of nothin’-

There’s the adventurer in me-

The hiker:

The fisherwoman:

And if I’m honest with myself, I can be downright goofy with my accessories…

But those are just a few things about me.

Like I said, I wear many hats. Just this morning, I realized I’ll soon have to (get to) don the hat of motherhood. I wonder what it will look like on me. Will it fit? Will I have to play with it for awhile to make it look right? Perhaps this hat will become natural, a part of me. I’m not sure. I do know that I feel so excited and incredibly blessed with this new role in my life. I don’t quite feel worthy of this hat just yet, but I’m overjoyed that God allowed me to be blessed in this way.