hoping and praying

I like to play countdown games with the toaster. “5-4-3-2-1” and up pops the poptart. Perfect timing.

I enjoy a tall glass of water and a hot cup of decaf tea in the morning.

I don’t enjoy waking up with that old familiar feeling of dread, queasiness, and gloom.

Army Times can be both a helpful tool and a terrible nuisance. When J was deployed, I checked the website regularly, hoping and praying there was no news from Diyala Providence, Iraq. Now, I find myself searching for news from Afghanistan. Yesterday, my heart sank as I read the latest:

“Three Fort Wainwright soldiers have been killed by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan.

Army officials say the incident happened while the soldiers were on mounted patrol Monday afternoon in the city of Spin Ghbarga.

A fourth soldier, assigned to the unit the Alaska-based soldiers are replacing, also was killed.

Officials say two other soldiers from the brigade were wounded.

The 4,000 soldiers of the 1st Stryker Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division at Fort Wainwright, began deploying to Afghanistan in mid-April.

Army officials say that during the unit’s last deployment, from September 2008 to August 2009, it experienced five combat and two noncombat deaths.

Names of the soldiers killed were not released pending notification of relatives.”

Although, the terror I used to feel when hearing similar news those years ago has subsided, my worry and fear for those soldiers that Captain J served beside doesn’t go away. Friends are over there. It’s so easy to forget.

More than anything, I pray for my friends left behind by these brave soldiers. I remember what it’s like to not know. Feeling completely helpless and just trying to get through the day, hoping the communication outage will lift and that voice will be heard saying, “I’m safe” is a mixture of a emotions I cannot explain nor want to experience ever again.

I’m awake because at 0500 when J rolled out of bed to head into PT, I had to hug his neck and remind him how glad I am that he is home. Whether home is Georgia or Louisiana now, it doesn’t matter. He’s with me and I am forever grateful that I’m not going through this pregnancy alone.

Some of my brave friends can’t say the same. Please pray for them. For all the people left behind, for all the men and women serving- my thoughts and prayers are with you often.

Righted.

I remember writing in a previous journal on September 11 ten years ago…

and today I wanted to discuss that ‘to be continued’ here now.

Moments ago, it was announced that Osama Bin Laden is at long last dead. My thoughts?

September 11 seems so long ago. I look at what all has transpired in my life since that dreadful day in American history and it feels like a lifetime has passed. I was a young high school student now I’m an educated wife and soon-to-be mother. I’m worlds apart from that girl I used to be. Time will do that to a person.

Ten years. A decade- and only now can the families of those loved ones lost on that terrible day experience a taste of revenge. That makes me glad to have him eradicated.

But really- what will it change?

I ask this honestly. Perhaps many a terrorists will think twice of discounting the ole U S of A, but I doubt it. Certainly, Americans will rally around this country in patriotic splendor. Surely, the announcement will lessen the talk of the recent Royal Wedding.

But nothing will change.

Our troops are still needed in the Middle East. It will take much more time to change that fact.

Still, in the recesses of this blog, I will say- I’m glad he’s dead.

I’m glad a man is dead.

That just doesn’t seem like something a good Christian gal would say.

For Osama’s soul, I am sad because I know he’s in hell. But for America, today I am proud. I’m elated for each person who lost someone dear to them in NYC, the Pentagon, and that field in PA. May a little more closure head their way. Tonight I will go to sleep feeling like the world has been slightly more righted.

God bless our troops.

“We will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail.”- George W. Bush, September 11, 2001

Blue, but not Royal

I thought today I would be ready to poke fun at all of you who woke up to watch The Royal Wedding, but I’m not feeling into it today. This morning I, too, got up early and turned on what I thought was the news. Unfortunately, all I saw was coverage, coverage, coverage of the big event. I suppose it’s exciting, but I’m sure it doesn’t need to be on every single channel. I’m sure some of you even remember waking up to watch the wedding of Princess Di, too and we all know how that turned out. When in doubt, SLEEP!

Ahh, perhaps I’m just bitter that I don’t get to rock some of the fabulous hats that were in attendance today.

I should take my own advice and sleep when I’m feeling this way. I don’t know what’s wrong with my attitude this fine day. I’m having a bit of some pregnancy blues, I suppose. I want Baby K now. I want to spend my time taking care of him, not taking care of two dogs who just happen to be driving me nuts today. 

I also want to feel like a person again. I want to put on clothes and not want to run away from the mirror in horror. I’d like to get a taste of this pregnancy glow people speak of. I want a normal appetite. I want sushi and wine, but not necessarily together.

I want to not have to drive for hours every weekend from now until we PCS. I want to finish up this pregnancy and this duty station with a feeling of peace and not rushed chaos.

I want to not think about all the terrible things that could happen to Baby K that are beyond my control. Maybe you don’t know this, but today is SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) Awareness Day…and I really don’t want to think about that either.

I wish I could just chill out, relax and trust that God is in control of my little family.

But today I just can’t help feeling blue.

And it all seems so selfish when I think of all of the people in this area who have suffered from the devastation the storms brought earlier this week. My prayers are with the entire Southeast during such a scary, sad time.

Psalm 30:5
Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Paneras in Utopias?

In a perfect world, what an awesome idea is this? New Panera location says pay what you want. The chain opened a new location in Clayton, MO that has vowed to throw the price tag out the window. They encourage customers to pay what they wish. It’s sort of like the idea of ‘take a penny, leave a penny’ only on a much larger scale. What a brave move, ehh? While I sincerely believe that there are many generous people in the world, I also know for a fact how stingy and unfair others can be. I honestly do not see this plan panning out for Panera, although I hope it does! So many restaurants in the U.S. get away with highway robbery because their prices are already ridiculously high. In American culture, I think it’s safe to say that eating is a social event. Any time we haven’t seen our friends in awhile, we meet up for dinner or when someone dies we show our sympathy by cooking up a nice, big fatty meal. We use food as a vehicle to connecting with others and this is why our restaurants can charge whatever they wish. They know we’ll probably keep coming back for more! In other words, I commend Panera for giving this a whirl because it really is a bold move. Maybe it will work. Just going through the drive-thru at Starbucks and pulling up to the window to learn that someone already paid for mine is enough hope for me to actually think this plan could work. I suppose we’ll have to wait and see. Until then, cheers to Panera! Just my two cents for the day.

What do you guys think about all this?

Everything is tougher in AK

We have a saying here that we jokingly use when life gets rough and it is “Everything is tougher in Alaska!” Alaska is referred to as The Last Frontier with good reason. As one of the country’s newest states,  residents here may still enjoy the freedom to live self sufficiently away from towns and cities. This freedom is quickly dwindling in the lower 48 because cities are springing up all over the place. When I first moved up here, I kept hearing the term: the Alaskan “bush” but I didn’t know what it referred to. Click here for a lesson from Wikipedia. Basically, the bush is a blanket term for areas in this beautiful state that cannot be accessed by roads. Some may be surprised to hear that there are uncharted places in their country’s backyard. It’s easy to take for granted gas stations on every corner in bigger cities. For you shop-a-holics who may be reading, it’s difficult to find anything fashionable in this area of the country. It’s just not practical in a land where carharts, flannel, and turtle necks are cool.

It’s pretty easy to find yourself in a survival situation pretty quickly here. Sliding off the road out of town, running out of gas on the way to the next stop, or out riding snow machines can be dangereous (as you can see here). The first way to reveal southern roots to an Alaskan is to say “snow mobile” instead of “snow machine.” See me trying to acclimate? Anyway, the link above is a news story about a young boy who fell in the ice while riding his snow machine with a friend this week. They found his body yesterday. It’s a terrible, unfortunate reminder that Alaska can be a big, mean bully on a playground at times.

I’m glad to have the opportunity to experience life here 125 miles away from the Arctic Circle. I remember saying BJ (Before J) that I would never, ever live in Alaska. Life has a funny way of taking one places they’ve never dreamt of going! I wonder where else the Army will take us.

Just today, we found out that Jordan’s brother has orders to go to Germany. We are so excited for him. What an awesome duty station to get! We look forward to visiting him there and hearing all about his adventures there. I would love if Captain J and I could get stationed there as well. My grandparents lived in Germany for awhile thanks to the U.S. Army so there’s a lot of family history there. I have yet to visit, but I can’t wait to do so.

Until then, I’m going to enjoy what The Great White North has to offer me here in Alaska. I’m looking forward to warm  warmer weather and getting out and partaking in the summer activities. Bring on Summer Solstice!