Mrs. K and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

In the words of Fuel, I had a bad day again…

Yesterday was evil for several reasons. I told you I was missing my family, but that was not the half of it. I tried to talk myself out of a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day but I just didn’t. I didn’t succeed; I failed miserably. For one thing, my dog (I’ll let you guess which one) whined almost the entire day. He wants to run and jump and play, but we don’t have a fenced in yard that will allow him to do so. I couldn’t go to the dog park because obviously I don’t have a car. I’m not going to go into this any further because you’ve all heard it from me over and over again. I decided I would spend my day in the future and try to find out some information on various schools in the Columbus, GA area since we will likely be PCSing soon (Still no orders in hand, though!). I googled, perused various universities, and became frustrated because I couldn’t find what I was looking for. I think if I had just found some glimmer of hope that there was a feasible way to enter a program that I would like when we arrive at Ft. Benning then my day would have turned around. That didn’t happen, though and I ended up taking it out on my husband.

Stress is at a high level when one has been at home for a year with absolutely no independence. I’ve been useless- I’m not in school working towards a goal. I’m not working and helping our little family financially. I’m not taking care of our (nonexistent) children. What is my purpose? I’m sure I’ll find out eventually, but this is just how I’m feeling right now. A fellow blogger friend recently wrote about this, too<—If you read her post, I’m “Al” in the situation. She explained this better than I can.

Anyway, Captain J came home and we started playing Wii, which was fun until he turned it off without saving our progress. Ha! I decided after dinner that I would like to make some cookies. I haven’t mentioned this but our oven is a piece! A couple months ago, it just went ca-put. I have no idea what the deal is, but we’ve always had problems with it. When we first moved into this house, the oven took about 3 hours to heat up. Talk about frustrating! Anyway, I decided I would try to make these cookies despite our broken kitchen appliance. Big mistake. If I had known what would happen, I would have eaten every single last block of raw cookie dough . After 6 minutes, this is what I came downstairs to:

I just knew something sweet would cure my bad day and now I will never know. I was annoyed, but I hadn’t completely fallen apart yet. After turning off the oven and going about my business around the house, Captain J begins to smell the monstrosity in the kitchen and starts asking all these questions about what was going on. It just wasn’t the time to reprimand me about baking. Poor guy!

Later, I started talking about grad school to him. I was excitedly explaining various plans when he interrupted with “it’s expensive.” I just lost it. I cried and cursed and acted like a buffoon. It was ridiculous for me to go off on him like I did. He didn’t see it coming and it wasn’t fair. I was just spent. That’s all I can say to describe it. I think my dogs have given me PTSD- every time they bark all these terrible situations involving them come flooding back (lol). Dealing with that on top of feeling utterly useless and idle, brought me to a breaking point.

I know people have it way worse than me so for that reason I don’t ask for your sympathy (otherwise I’d be lapping it up!). I have a wonderful life here in Alaska with the best man that I could ever ask for. I love him and I love the life we’ve built here. I’m thankful for all the opportunities that have been alloted to me. Despite all this, sometimes I just can’t get away from the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

True Alaskan?

My weekend consisted of not much else more than packing and unpacking, cleaning then re-cleaning. Needless to say, I’m glad we’re moved in. Now if Thursday could hurry up and get here.

The past few days I have felt like I embodied two very different people. First of all, I felt a bit like a real Alaskan. I mean, who else is thankful for two degrees above zero on moving day? I was walking around outside in a three quarter length button up and was still pretty toasty. It’s so strange how one can grow accoustomed to their surroundings. I remember when ten degrees was barely heard of in Tennessee, now it feels like a heat wave.

I also felt like this guy-

This is Gus from Disney’s Cinderella. Ya know the part when he is trying to grab as much food as he possibly can and is attempting to hold the huge stack under his chin? Yep, that was me on Friday. Taking boxes and stacking them up, praying they wouldn’t fall and break in two. I sure am glad to have that over. Oh, how I look forward to having the Army pack us up and move us next time.

Today wasn’t such a great day. I had plans to get so much accomplished, but I became discouraged after having to waste time at the hospital so I came home to blog with only four tasks marked off my list. Oh well…baby steps. There is good news to report, though! I have an interview on Wednesday with a church on post. They need help around the chapel…mostly with the children’s classes. The hours are good (it’s part time) and it’s convienient for Jordan because I can ride to work with him instead of him having to drive the jeep in the cold. It would be nice to have another income so wish me luck!

Back to the To Do List-I go. Au Revoir!

A quaint cabin

With any luck, the days of hand washing dishes and having to walk outside in below zero temps to do laundry are over! Jordan and I have been shopping around for a cabin to rent. We are ready to be out of this apartment although, it has been good to us. We’ve saved money by staying here, but now that we’re married we can afford something that is a little more what we had in mind. We found a three bedroom cabin with a hot tub and fireplace in Fairbanks. Hopefully all goes as planned and we’ll get to move in by February.

Unfortunately, we found out today that his chain of command would like him to stay in Alaska for his full three years. A couple weeks ago, he received an email saying that he may be able to get into the Captain’s Career Course at Ft. Benning in March. We flirted with the idea of being back in the South really soon and decided he would try to get in the class. However, it didn’t work out which means we will be staying in Fairbanks until the end of this year. His next plan of action is to attempt to get into the September course. I’m praying that this option is available to us!

Yesterday, the hubs and I (and our neighbor and friend, JTD) went to church at Friends Community. We enjoy that church and are in a pretty good habit of going so long as we’re in town. There was a guest speaker on Sunday and his message spoke to me. He talked about the dynamic between God’s law and having an actual relationship with God. He gave the example of the adultress that the men were going to stone. Jesus said, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” The law destined the woman to be judged and punished accordingly, but God’s love and mercy allowed her to be set free.  This is one thing I have a hard time grasping. I feel blessed way beyond what I deserve. God knows my every thought and action yet he still loves me unconditionally. What a great feeling! I’m going to start reading my bible more often. I want to make it an every day thing again. My life is so much sweeter when I’m not in control of it 🙂

Today marks the beginning of the job search. Wish me luck. Jordan says my days of mooching are over. Ha! I hope I am able to find something I like, but if not any extra income will be helpful. It will be nice to feel productive again, too. I would like to feel like I am contributing! On the other hand, the lovely cabin we are hoping to get looks really cozy and I bet I could get used to being a stay at home wife! I could stay busy cleaning that place, but I definitely would have to start cooking more to pull off that role! Hi ho, Hi ho it’s off to work I go. 😦

More later.