My One Inch Window

One inch windows. Have you heard of this notion? It’s the suggestion made by Anne Lamont that writing can be done within the confines of what can be seen out of a one inch window. Imagine cutting out a one inch window from a piece of paper and carrying it with you on all the experiences you can’t wait to write home about. You may want to gush and gush on every minor detail in hopes of preserving it in your own mind or enlightening those around you, but you can’t. You may only choose to describe what shines through the tee-tiny space. What would you write about?

I was pondering this while I was perched on my couch with a bird’s eye view of my puppy sleeping down below. I had been tip toeing around that hyper dog all day long trying to get some chores around the house accomplished. I was annoyed- No, not at him but at my situation. You see, I’m just another one of those twenty something year olds who have no idea what they want to do with themselves. Daily I wonder how my life would have been different if I had continued my education and finished up my Master’s. I wonder if when we do start a family if I’ll still have the desire to be a stay at home mom that I have now. Then, I think, what’s next? I’ll send the hypothetical kid(s) off to kindergarten and then where will I be?

I yearn for productivity. I want to be helpful financially in my marriage, but I also want to be happy (which I am!). I know working a mediocre job that I do not enjoy will only make me miserable. A couple years ago, I had this job that seemed like it should be an awesome experience. I was working in my field (psychology) and I was helping people. Who doesn’t want to do that? But it turns out, helping people is much harder than it looks. Especially when the people I was supposed to help didn’t want to help themselves. After much debate, I ended my employment there and never looked back. I went off to grad school to ensure that I would never have a crappy job again. It turns out, that’s probably a pipe dream.

This brings me to where I am today. If not counseling, then what? I realize now is the time for school. Now is the time to be saving for our future. We are saving, but I know I should be helping now but I just don’t know what I want to do. I don’t mind getting a part time job that I’m less than interested in because I know it will only be temporary and I want to contribute. But as far as school goes, I don’t know what I would want to study now. In addition to that, I don’t know if finishing my Master’s is a goal because I feel like I NEED it or if I hate that I started something and never finished.

I will never regret taking time off from school to come up to Alaska with Captain J. Never. I know this is where I’m supposed to be right now and I am content in my present. It’s my fear of the unknown, of my future that really sends me into a frenzy. Oh, to be one of those individuals who are completely free, living in the moment.

As far as my one inch window of today, I look out and see green trees blowing in the wind. The window is opened slightly and the fresh Alaskan air is blowing in. Candles are neatly placed on the sill and below this there’s a comfy place to read. I have a wonderful life with my silly Drifter and the best husband I could ever ask for. There’s no point in dwelling on concerns for tomorrow. Life is good today.

Love,

Just dreamin’

Well, I’ve found my purpose, my ideal job, my hopes and dreams. Unfortunately, one thousand applicants found it before me. I was browsing the news today and came across this excellent idea found here. If you do not feel led to read the article, I’ll give you the gist of it: It. is. bloody. awesome.

It’s right up my alley. First of all, if chosen, the “employee” is forced paid to travel to amazing honeymoon destinations all over the world, get a feel for the area via beaches, luxurious dining, champagne, et cetera, and then report back by writing entries in a blog on his or her experiences there. It’s a couples thing, too! In short, some lucky son of a gun is going to travel the world with their spouse and have everything paid for. Jealous doesn’t quite describe what I’m feeling now.

Oh, to travel somewhere warm! I’d give anything. Well, almost anything. I miss the sand between my toes as my skin is browning and my eyes are shut tightly cat napping in the warm breeze. I miss being by the pool with a book I can’t put down. I miss shorts and sandals and the way my hair curls up with the humidity in the air. Oh, Alaska, how I scorn thee today.

I’ve always been a beach girl. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing I love more than a nice drive or hike in the mountains. If God ever seems distant, I seem to always find Him there. But there’s something about the ocean that calls to me. The salty water, the shells, and the atmosphere beckon my carefree side to sit and stay awhile. This is the longest stretch of time that I’ve gone without a quick trip to Florida or any beach elsewhere. Jordan better know how much I’ve given up for him. 🙂 ha I guess I’ll just rest my eyes and pretend I’m somewhere tropical, soakin’ up the rays, with only the worry of what book I’ll read next on my mind.

White coats and football

Take a look at this photo and tell me I had a bad weekend! It’s hard to have a bad weekend when I have my feet propped up next to a warm fire sitting beside my man.

Friday night, we ended up going to the emergency room to deal with my ailments. I got some antibiotics and I’m feeling much better now. While there, a nurse checked my blood pressure and it was 150/93 which is terribly high for me. The doctor asked if I was nervous to which I replied “YES!” and he said I also suffered from white coat syndrome. No surprise there. I felt significantly more at ease as soon as I walked out the huge front doors of the hospital. Free at last!

The majority of our furniture has arrived so Jordan spent the rest of Friday night putting together our new, comfy bed. We finally drifted off to sleep after a late night.

Saturday we got a late start to the day. We woke up rather late and after breakfast we sat by the fire, read, and cat-napped for awhile. It was so nice. On Sunday I had to work, but I decided not to accept the position for several reasons. One of them being that Jordan wasn’t happy about me having to work on the weekends. He works so much throughout the week so when he does get time off we like to enjoy it together. Even though this job was at a church, I felt like it would alter my time with God too much. I like attending church services on Sundays and by accepting this job, I would be giving that up. There were other factors as well. One biggie was that the hours weren’t set in stone so it would be difficult for me to tell Jordan when to pick me up and drop me off. With his job as time demanding as it can be, it just wasn’t going to work for us. Oh well. The job search continues.

After leaving the church on post, I came home to Jordan plugging away in the kitchen preparing appetizers for our company coming over to watch the Superbowl. He made his dad’s spectacular guacemole recipe while I prepared a queso dip. We prepared some other foods and sat down in front of the t.v. to what we thought was going to be a blowout with the Colts ahead…looks like we thought wrong. Maybe next year, Peyton. 😦

Despite the loss, I had a pretty good weekend. I hope all of you can say the same!

With love,

Kacy Sue

Fakers

I became frustrated today with internet scams. I spent so much time searching for a job, critiquing and editing cover letters, and filling out applications only to find out half way through the process that many of them were fake job postings on craigslist. Grr 😦 I was clued in when they told me what to set my password as. I quit filling out information after that, but not before I had already given them my phone number. Unfortunately, I received two solicitation phone calls- one at 3:14am and another at 4am. Then the text messages started….really?!

Oh well.

I made more cards today.

Then I felt better.

Tonight Jordan and I are having pizza and settling in for the Biggest Loser. Something isn’t right here? hehe Anyway, we are moving on Thursday! I cannot tell you how excited I am. And when we get settled into our new place, I’m getting back into my routine of working out. Hold me to it!