Pregnant With Laughter Part 8

{At the beginning of this lil ole meme of mine, a few people added their links. As of late, no one is participating, but I hope you don’t mind that I keep plugging away with my Pregnant With Laughter posts. I enjoy having a place to share these funny moments and be able to access them whenever I need a good laugh. I’ll continue to add a link at the bottom of the page if anyone would like to participate. Thanks for reading (and laughing) with me!}

Being pregnant often causes one’s mind to go to mush. Small things fly out the window, like sanity, for instance. Some people refer to this time of forgetfulness as the dreaded “pregnancy brain.” I try to avoid these moments at all costs, but I simply can’t. They’re inevitable. 

I’ve shared with you before some of my crazy dreams I’ve had and today I’ll share with you another. I bring up the pregnancy brain issue because I believe it played a part in the following dream…

Captain J and I were laying on our aging grey sofa, legs entwined, and marveling at the miracle that was kicking around inside my belly. I was laying back and my husband was propped up on one elbow with his other arm stretched out on my belly so that his hand might get to feel our son’s movement. We dreamily discussed what he might look like and how we couldn’t wait to hold him. It was at that moment that I suggested, “Maybe we can just take him out for a second. I want to hold him right now.”

Now, in my pregnant brain (and inside my dream) this was completely do-able. Somehow (and I won’t go into the gross, gruesome detail) we took our sweet baby right out of the womb, just to hold him.

How selfish? How weird?

I woke up panicked that I would even entertain such a thought. 24 weeks is no time to take a baby out of Mama’s belly. For the next few hours, I contemplated what a terrible mother I might turn out to be because of my dream persona insisting on endangering her sweet baby fetus simply because she had to hold him. Was dream Mrs. K a reflection of the real Mrs. K’s selfishness? Crazy, hormonal pregnant lady thoughts ensued. 

Have you preggos had any funny dreams lately?

Pregnant With Laughter- Part 3

Every Wednesday I get to talkin’ bout my crazy pregnancy brain that often plagues me. Today I’m going to tell you about another dream I had. Not quite as weird as the KFC epidemic, but it might still make you giggle. If you have a story to share about your pregnancy experiences or a kid you know who has said or done something funny, I’d love to hear about it. You can link up your post at the end of this one. Now, without further ado- Here’s

I don’t know about you, but I just cannot get comfortable these days! I woke up the other morning (thanks to my hubby rootin’ around for his uniform) and couldn’t go back to sleep in bed for the life of me. I decided to move to the couch where I had less room to wiggle and squirm, in hopes that I would fall asleep faster. What? It did make sense at the time.

I flipped on the t.v. and watched awhile, but soon began to drift away once the Ellen show came on. I love watching Ellen in the mornings, just not this particular morning. I was exhausted! Unfortunately, her show started to become a part of my dream…

For some reason, one I may never know, Ellen and her guest began talking about miniature ponies. Even weirder, I think she told a story of a horse biting the nipple of her brother!

Meanwhile, in my head, Captain J is telling me that he must put one of my bestest friends asleep-

My dear, Holly dog…

Hysterical, I’m half screaming/half crying asking why he would ever do such a thing. He is all fired up and responds with, “Well, she bit my brother’s nipple!”

Captain J’s brother is in Germany, currently serving our country over there. No way Holly could reach that far! Plus, I know her- she’s the sweetest dog in the world. She’d never do that! Just last Saturday I watched a three year old smack her in the face as hard as he could and she just sat there and allowed him to do it with a look on her face that said, “Well, I don’t think I deserved that but that’s okay.”

Not my Holly. She would never!

I woke myself up screaming, “Noooo!” as Captain J started to take her away to euthenize her. Tears on my face, I realized that I was carrying on for nothing because it had all been a dream.

That’s when I started to chuckle.

Oh, the ups and downs (and really silly dreams) these hormones produce. I’ll tell ya…I’m sick of it! But at least they give me something to laugh about.

Pregnant With Laughter- Part 2

It’s time again for my weekly blog hop where we all get to dish out our funny stories involving pregnancy, motherhood, or just funny kids in general. Welcome to:

I’d love for you to join in! Just link up below and feel free to take the above photo if you’d like. Today’s story I have to blame on these crazy, insane pregnancy hormones-

Having recently woken up from a nap (and a terrifying dream), you can imagine that I wasn’t in the best of moods. In the dream, a new disease was threatening our already scary existence here on this planet. Unfortunately, people were having symptoms that just couldn’t be explained unless you had a KFC menu in hand.

Wait. Are you lost? I should back up to explain a bit more.

I did, in fact, mean Kentucky Fried Chicken in the above acronym. You see, people were finding themselves being taken over by a disease that turned their entire bodies into the consistency of fried chicken. Faces were unrecognizable. Arms and legs were resembling chicken thighs. People we knew and loved were starting to look…tasty. Ok, I kid. It was awful. The affected individuals were haunting my nightmares and with good reason. I might be traumatized. Maybe.

Anyway, I don’t recall what happened in this dream. I just know that it was one of the wackiest I’ve had to date.

Back to reality…

Later, I burst into tears, trying and failing to hide this from my dear husband. He rolled over in the bed, asking me if I was crying. Tears streaming down my face and sniffling in full force, I of course replied, “No.” He never believes me.

He said (love his heart), “I promise when you tell me I won’t try to fix it. Just tell me what’s wrong”.

After stuttering a bit, I realized that I had no idea what was wrong with me. Searching my brain frantically to come up with the source of my anxiety, I stalled. What was I to say?

You hurt my feelings 6 months, 8.5 days ago!

or

I had a dream our dogs died.

or

Oh, my achin’ back!

No. Couldn’t say any of that.

Instead, I finally chose the truth-

“I have no idea why I’m crying!” (insert severe sobbing and confusion).

Captain J simply hugged me and said he would always be here for me.

Apparently that satisfied me because three minutes later I was in the kitchen preparing a grilled cheese with a smile on my face.

Like I’ve said a lot lately, I’m ready for my normal hormones again. The sane ones. The ones that don’t make me a loony toon. Meanwhile, I’m racking up all kinds of stories that’ll be sure to make me giggle when I’m old and gray!

Do share your stories with me this week! If you don’t have a blog, feel free to put them in the comment section. I’ll leave the link open until next weeks entry so join in anytime.

Christmas Tree Lights

“What have you done?!”, I screamed at Captain J early this morning. “Ugh, I can’t just leave this laying around.”

I threw the covers back and hopped out of bed to check the floor. I found nothing but extra pillows and a sock or two. “Babe, what are you talking about? Are you ok?”

Me- “The Christmas tree lights! They’re broken and scattered across the floor!”

Captain J- “Huh?”

Slowly starting to realize maybe it wasn’t that big of a mess, I crawled back into the warm covers of our bed with Captain J staring at me like I was a looney bin escapee. I just couldn’t shake the feeling of how real it was so, once again, I got out of bed to clean up the mess from the broken Christmas tree lights. When I slid my foot (I know, great way to check) across most of the carpet and found nothing. I began to giggle and realize it was just an odd dream I had. At one o’clock this morning, Captain J and I were laughing at my ridiculousness and by five thirty a.m when he got up for work, we were laughing even more.

He is probably going to enjoy sleeping in the field tonight in the cold and snow- at least he’ll be getting yelled at by big, tough Army guys and not his five foot three wifey. I’ll sure miss him, though.

One of my favorite quotes is one by Maya Angelou that says:

“I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”

I think I failed miserably today…but if I’m half asleep, does it even count?

Gone

I roll over and there is emptiness. Nothingness. My soul is void of everything I have come to know. There are no dreams, no hope. There is only a giant weight pressed upon my heart and little else matters. How did I get to this place?

I look back to happier days when there was a loving, seemingly endless presence who easily integrated into my whole being. He was my life. Where is he now?

This is what I woke up to this morning. A terrible, horrible dream that J was gone. I didn’t know why. I didn’t know how. This isn’t the first time I’ve woken up in such a manner. I hate these dreams. It’s as if I’m alive but I’ll never truly be alive again because he’s..just..gone.

I talk a lot about not taking him for granted because I never know when the big, bad Army will swoop down and take him away again. These dreams are just another reminder: enjoy your time with him now.

I stumbled to my feet and into the kitchen for some coffee even though it was entirely too early to be awake on a weekend. I felt better when I began to feel the coffee energizing me for the day. I got out a pan and some tasty ingredients and whipped up a nice breakfast for me and my soldier. I’ll do all I can to make him happy because he is here today and today is all that matters. The future doesn’t exist. Not yet anyway.