Welcome to the Army (and Motherhood)

Every time I sit down to write, Baby K starts his wailin’. I think he hates my blog. Or productivity, as my school work has come to a complete hault.

It’s okay, though because now I know I’m not a completely terrible parent. Doc says he’s got a touch of colic. Without going into too much detail about K’s eating habits (you’re welcome, Dave), I will say that he is eating way too fast and it’s causing the spit up, gas pains, and the like. I’m going to start working on different techniques, but honestly…

I didn’t come here to talk about my son today. I’m exhausted. Drained. Emotional. Drained. Drained. Drained.

Hubby is back from a stint in the field (finally) but it matters very little because he is working on his Master’s, too so when he comes home he has to do that. My relief comes when I get Baby K to sleep at night. I love my little man so much but he is quite needy (my sweet little id) and after doing this by myself a lot lately, I need a break. I need to go some place I won’t be summoned by screaming cries. I need to put on makeup and feel pretty again. I need to enjoy a meal instead of just scarfing something down while bouncing the baby on my hip. Mama needs, too.

I knew this was going to be hard- raising a child. But never in my wildest dreams did I picture myself being a parent in a military family, away from family who could provide a break if need be. Today was just another day that I thought to myself again, “Welcome to the Army”. Everything seems to be harder here.

Grad School Gloom

I have always enjoyed going to school. Even when I was pulling an all-nighter while working on my college thesis, certain I wouldn’t make the morning deadline. I even liked school when all of my data that I had entered into the computer was suspicioulsy erased less than 24 hours before my final research project was due and I had to start completely over on the analysis. I didn’t mind working tirelessly in the 24 hour computer lab all by myself even though I was pretty afraid of the dark of being alone on a ghost town campus in the wee hours of the morning. I lived on coffee and a prayer. I had the help of many wonderful friends that knew exactly what I was going through and could offer support, statistics refreshers, and breaks to our favorite bar hangout. Life was good. School was good and I excelled.

Now, I feel like quitting.

I don’t want to be a quitter. And I’ve always wanted to get my Master’s, but right now I just feel this tug towards something that I’m realizing is more important to me–motherhood. I feel like garbage when Baby K is crying and I’m frustrated because I can’t type out coherent sentences. I used to have so much time to really focus on what I’m writing. Now, I get ten minute incriments, like the one I have now and that’s hardly enough to create a paper that I’m proud of. I continue to do well, but it’s at the cost of my house and my sanity.

I know I need to stay the course, for lack of a better term. I know I need to have something to rely on if (God forbid) I find myself in a situation where I will need to support K and me. And I know that I’ll be proud when I do accomplish this goal of mine. Right now, though? It sucks. It’s terrible.

On top of it all, Captain J is headed out into the field again. Very soon. Like on my birthday soon.

It’s times like these when being a military spouse is so hard. I’m going to be alone with a fussy 3 month old while attempting to make good grades in an online class that has so much busy work. Sleep is a thing of the past. And I have to do all this without coffee now b/c it upsets Baby K’s tummy. This mama is stressed and feels like giving up.

I won’t though. Not yet anyway.

Misc.

Not much has happened in our neck of the woods. We’re enjoying (slightly) cooler weather by breaking out our sweatshirts only to shed them by noon when it’s in the 80’s again. There have been a couple of times that the temperatures have dropped to the forties at night and we’ve snuggled around a fire (Hey! Any excuse for some fire therapy is okay by me). In fact, that’s what we’re doing right now–enjoying some hot cider with a fire nearby.

Fall is my favorite season. I love to watch the beautiful colors come out. Sadly, there’s not much of that here in Louisiana, but we’re able to celebrate fall in other ways. For example:

Do yourself a favor and whip up some pumpkin muffins. Just mix a can of pumpkin with a box of spice cake mix and voila! Yummy fall treat.

Last night I watched a friend’s little one while she went to a concert at Ft. Polk. Her daughter and I had loads of fun creating fall decorations with paint!

Speaking of lazy fall days, I’ve even been able to catch up on some reading. It’s been amazing to be able to read books that I actually want to read. I had a week off from school this week and it has been glorious. My grades from last semester came in and I’m happy to report that the 4.0 still stands! For those of you who don’t know, I’m an idiot occasionally scatterbrained and turned in the wrong paper to my professor. Graciously, she allowed me to re-do it and still gave me a perfect score. Originally, she only gave me 20 points out of 200. I was so relieved with my new grade because otherwise I would have failed the class, dropping my GPA dramatically. Next class starts on Monday and I still haven’t received my school books. 😦 I’m going to be behind in the first week. It seems like I’m constantly behind now. It could have something to do with this little guy who is as cute as ever these days:

Completely worth it, though. I cannot tell you how much I love these bottles. After writing this post the other day, I randomly decided I would give nursing (directly) another try. I haven’t breast fed Baby K this way in over a month, but tonight I was in pain from hyperlactation and he was ready to eat so I thought it wouldn’t hurt to try. I was sure that there was no way he would accept this form of feeding again, but he did. I was so happy! This gives me much more flexibility and I attribute it all to Tommee Tippee (and the brilliance of my small son) 😉 I’m now feeling much better and I think he is, too. He doesn’t seem to have belly troubles after feedings now, although he still spits up a bit.

I realize I just gave you a yummy recipe and then talked about baby puke in the next breath. I think that makes me a mommy blogger officially?

Stick around, y’all. One day I’ll post something riveting that will blow your mind. It’s just not today.

I am weak.

When you’re up to your eye balls in diapers, laundry, and homework, what do you do?

I’ll tell you what I do.

Absolutely nothin’.

Last night my sleep was less than restful so when little man woke me up for the gazillionth time this morning, I decided I wasn’t getting up and doing anything productive. I was finally going to follow the wise words- “You sleep when he sleeps”. I fed him and then put him down in his crib. I laid down in my own bed and waited for the next high pitched screamed to drag me out of bed again. Imagine my surprise when it didn’t come until 10am!

Baby K slept in his crib for the first time ever today. Such a big boy!

For the rest of the morning, we hung out and watched Teen Mom while I fed him and he dozed off. Part of me feels slightly panicked for not doing a darn thing. The other part of me knows that this is something I needed.

The other day during my personal bibly study, I had Pandora on in the background. A song came on and the words really spoke to me. It was something I already knew, but a good reminder just the same…

Half the time I’m wandering around the house like a zombie. I’m going through the motions- changing diapers, feeding, trying to figure out why Baby K is upset, trying not to get an attitude with Captain J because of lack of sleep, trying to make the boys in my life happy. I’m not broken, but I am weak. I’m pretty tired most days. I’m in a strong current, treading water, but just barely, trying to stay afloat in school.

Many times, the last thing that is on my mind is how I can serve God. I talk to Him and ask Him where he wants me, but I rarely listen or hear Him when He speaks. After all, when do I have the time to further God’s kingdom? I don’t even have time to sleep.

In 2 Corinthians, I found:

“For though he was crucified in weakness, yet He lives by the power of God. For we also are weak in Him, but we shall live with Him by the power of God toward you.” – 2 Corinthians 13:4

Then I remember how weak Jesus was on that day. I remember how God used Him, even at his weakest point. And I think, I can surely find time throughout my day to serve God. Even if it’s just in the little things…

* Like telling my husband how much he means to me and how he is appreciated

* Like taking care of my sweet son while remembering that I’m going to miss this stage of his life when he’s older

* Like taking time out of my day to truly talk and listen to God

So what if I’m tired and weak? God uses the unlikeliest of people. I have so many blessings in my life to be thankful for- my family, my friends, my health, the church, a roof, water, food…

and this little guy who I can’t imagine loving any more than I already do. I’m so so very thankful for him!

Here’s the song. I hope you all have a blessed week!

Monday Goals

Top of the mornin’ to ya! I’m enjoying a cup of coffee next to my main man while watching Lifetime Movie Network. It doesn’t get much better than that on a Monday morning.

His and Hers 🙂

Last night was nice. Baby K was such a good little boy. Content as could be and woke up every three hours to feed. It was a welcomed reprieve from the past few days. As you may have noticed, we have introduced bottles and pacis now. The lactation specialist said that pacifiers were okay after at least two weeks so we waited to give him one. He likes it, but has a hard time keeping it in his mouth. Last night, the paci was invaluable!

I’ll admit that we probably introduced bottles too soon, but it has been wonderful. The TommeeTippee ones are great and little man switches back and forth between bottle to breast seamlessly. It’s convenient to have the option, especially when I was back and forth between the hospital and my house for the blood pressure issues. I have an appointment later this week as a follow up to check my blood pressure. Let’s hope he approves me to start working out!

Speaking of exercise, I found the greatest app. Now, I know I’m way behind in the game and everyone probably already knows about it, but for you cave dwellers like me, I present to you:

My Fitness Pal

It’s great. It allows you to enter your calorie intake, but you don’t have to worry about trying to figure out if you’re entering the right information. All you have to do is type in what you ate/drank and brands of food pop up along with their calories for easy selection. It can also track your exercise, too. I haven’t figured out all the neat perks yet because I just downloaded it, but I love it so far!

I’m ready for a routine here in LA. For the past few months, I’ve laid around doing very little. Now that I’m gaining my energy back, I’m ready for a little productivity. I’d like to start couponing again. I’m ready to get back on a weekly cleaning schedule, exercise schedule, menu schedule and school work schedule. Lately, I’ve been doing the bare minimum to get by in my classes and thankfully it has been working for me. I got to keep my GPA after all! I do want to put more effort into my education, though. I’d like to start writing again and do a little freelance work. I’m also ready to get out and make some friends here!

Last week, I went on post to meet with the ladies of PWOC (Protestant Women of the Chapel). I plan on attending a weekly class there with a new friend I met. It’s called Experiencing God and I can’t wait to see what’s in store there. I miss sharing my devotions with you on my other blog so I might start posting there more often, too.

That’s a lot of goals for a Monday morning. Just reading them makes me think I might need another cup of coffee or maybe a nap. 😉 Have a great week y’all!

(* Note: I was not contacted to review or compensated for mentioning the bottles. This is my opinion and I wanted to share with you!)

 

 

 

 

health and happiness: an update

First of all, mad props* to those of you who left me comments on my last post. I’m already feeling a little better in that department and I’m sure I’ll be doing much better when I get approved to start exercising again. Also, I just wanted to mention how wise you all are. The majority of my readers who voted in the last poll believed that Baby K would arrive slightly early and you all were right! I knew I had smart friends.

I have been MIA lately. My days have been filled with:

little boys who don’t want baths

Just snuggles with Mom and Dad:

and food, warmth, and the occasional (read: very frequent) diaper change.

We’ve been working to see more of this at night:

and less of his Daddy’s grumpy faces.

Last night went so well, thanks to some suggestions from Aunt Paige.

That’s her right there. Wise woman, she is.

It’s thanks to her that I have energy to blog this mornin’.

Anyway, as you can see, I’ve just been busy. Our sweet neighbors and fellow church members have kept food in this house- we’ve barely had to go to the grocery store. Actually, I haven’t left the house in exactly a week now due to these pesky orders from my doctor to stay in bed. I am happy to report that my blood pressure seems to be under control now and I’m feeling much better.

I finished up school last week, but I’m not sure how I did. I’m expecting my shiny 4.0 GPA to drop because I think I’ll probably make a B in the class now. I was so unmotivated and super exhausted after having the baby that I just didn’t feel like giving it my all. I hate that, but taking care of my little boy just seemed so much more important at the time. I’m relieved to have the class over, but I have another one starting today. I thought I had a bit of a break in between the two…turns out, I don’t even have a day! I hope I can keep up with my studies as well as this little guy:

Luckily, I can still contain him (Note the grumpy face).

Now, I must get back to it. Thanks for checking in on me 🙂 I’m very behind in catching up with all of you, but I try to visit a couple of blogs a day. I’ll get there eventually! Have a happy Monday.

Love,

(us).

(*I just always wanted to say that.)

this week at our house

Today I read the word “manifest” to myself as “mani” “fest”…as in, a party where one might get a manicure. Honestly, it took me sounding out the word (in my head, of course) a whopping three times before I understood. That’s what I’m dealing with right now.

I used to fear I was growing dumber after being out of school for too long, but perhaps now the opposite has occurred- Too much school work is causing me to over think. No, that’s probably not it, either. Either way, my brain is yearning for a break, but I’m only a minute into the first quarter and the ball is in my hands. I can’t stop dribbling down the court and it’s too soon to call a timeout. Coach will yell. This is what I feel like.

I’m tired of writing research papers. I had no idea how much research is involved in my online classes when I signed up. I’m very thankful for the undergrad experience I gained at Tech in that regard, but the graduate program there was a lot less work than this one is! None of this would be much of a problem if there was a decent research library around, but I have already exhausted all of the miniscule psychology section here in small town America.

My first semester back finished up a week or two ago and I’m pleased to announce that my 4.0 is still in tact. The second semester is underway and I’m not sure I’ll be able to say the same after this one. It’s not that my classes are hard, just incredibly time consuming. After getting unpacked, I have literally done nothing. As soon as my house was in order, I took up residency in front of our t.v. and I only move for potty breaks and food. It’s bad. I need someone to kick my butt into gear!

We are enjoying the house now. Captain J went back to work today, but was only there for an hour or two before they sent him home. I hope this trend continues, but I’m guessing he just got lucky because in-processing takes awhile. I went back to the doc today and met with the nurse practitioner there. She didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know, but I was delighted to hear her say, “If you go into labor now, we won’t stop you.”

Hallelujah!

My feet and hands look like they belong on a 500+ lbs woman.

I can’t wait to see his beautiful face.

I want to not have to sleep with a pillow between my legs anymore.

I can’t wait to see my mom and sister who will be visiting shortly after he is born.

I could list a million reasons why I can’t wait to have our sweet baby in our lives, but I don’t want to drop all those on you at once. Besides, you’ll probably hear all about him, more than you want, after he is born.

Anyway, I’ve got to get back to it…but not before I show you a peak into Baby K’s room:

books-a-trillion

I have been a reading machine lately. This is partly due because I had a class that required us to read a book a week, but I have also managed to sneak in a few I wanted to read, too. This can only mean one thing around here-

It’s time for a book review!

I read these:

Oh, and this, too-

But I only recommend the following that I will give reviews for:

I’ll start with fiction because I just love fiction.

A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness was really, very good. Her website gives this description:

When historian Diana Bishop opens a bewitched alchemical manuscript in Oxford’s Bodleian Library it represents an unwelcome intrusion of magic into her carefully ordinary life. Though descended from a long line of witches, she is determined to remain untouched by her family’s legacy. She banishes the manuscript to the stacks, but Diana finds it impossible to hold the world of magic at bay any longer.

For witches are not the only otherworldly creatures living alongside humans. There are also creative, destructive daemons and long-lived vampires who become interested in the witch’s discovery. They believe that the manuscript contains important clues about the past and the future, and want to know how Diana Bishop has been able to get her hands on the elusive volume.

Chief among the creatures who gather around Diana is vampire Matthew Clairmont, a geneticist with a passion for Darwin. Together, Diana and Matthew embark on a journey to understand the manuscript’s secrets. But the relationship that develops between the ages-old vampire and the spellbound witch threatens to unravel the fragile peace that has long existed between creatures and humans—and will certainly transform Diana’s world as well.

This book is to be a part of a series. I was very happy to read that after I finished this book because there was so much left up in the air. The book is excellent! It appeals to the magic, vampire nonsensical side of me, but it is very intelligently written. Try it out!

Sail by James Patterson is a page turner. I think all of his are, though. If you want a quick read that you don’t want to put down, then pick this book up. Here’s an exert from his website:

Only an hour out of port, the Dunne family’s summer getaway to paradise is already turning into the trip from hell. Carrie, the eldest, has thrown herself off the side of the boat in a bid for attention. Sixteen-year-old Mark is getting high belowdecks. And Ernie, their ten-year-old brother, is nearly catatonic. It’s shaping up to be the worst vacation ever.

Katherine Dunne had hoped this trip would bring back the togetherness they’d lost when her husband died four years earlier. Maybe if her new husband, a high-powered Manhattan attorney, had been able to postpone his trial and join them it would all have been okay….

Suddenly, a disaster hits–and it’s perfect. Faced with real danger, the Dunnes rediscover the meaning of family and pull together in a way they haven’t in a long time. But this catastrophe is just a tiny taste of the danger that lurks ahead: someone wants to make sure that the Dunne family never makes it out of paradise alive.

And now on to the non-fiction…

To my counseling buddies, you should check out Competent Christian Counseling and Effective Biblical Counseling.

I would also recommend Boundaries in Marriage for anyone who finds themselves with an ole ball and chain 😉

I also thought The Anxiety Cure would be useful for someone suffereing from panic attacks and severe anxiety. This book attempts to describe the physiological etiology of such issues while also addressing the spirituality issue that many secular theorists and psychologists ignore.

The rest were not so good. Ha! I’ll try to do these more often so as not to bombard you with a bunch of titles.

What are you reading these days?

The Walmart Meltdown of 2011

Nut-case. Basket-case. Kace.

All terms may be used interchangeably to describe me as of late. This pregnancy in conjunction with a forced move is driving me to the edge. Just below is a steep drop to insanity and let me tell ya- I’m holdin’ on with my heels. It’s not a pretty picture.

Yesterday, I had a meltdown. It all started because I wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for dinner. Captain J suggested this wasn’t appropriate for a growing baby and mom (in different words) so I basically flipped my lid. There were so many other competing thoughts floating through my mind at the time so I inevitably just focused on the one: Mama wants food! And I got noticeably annoyed in Walmart to the point that J escorted me out to the car for some refreshing A.C. and a long, uncontrollable, ugly cry.

The real issue was that I had gone to the doctor earlier. He told me that I had gained 23 pounds and he would rather see me at about 20lbs at this point. He didn’t seem concerned, but this horribly self-conscious girl filed it away in her mind as a big, fat fail. Then when I arrived at Walmart (looking a hot mess in 100+ temperatures) it seemed as if everyone was starting at me. I don’t like the attention that being pregnant brings because I can’t decipher between negative attention and positive attention at this point. When a stranger stares, I automatically think it’s because I look grotesque.

It’s a problem, I know. Just call me nut-case.

Anyway, I cried and I cried. I cried for our lack of furniture, internet, PB&J’s and money. I cried for crying over ridiculous things. I just couldn’t stop. I felt so ridiculous.

I hate when I get stressed and adopt the belief that this is the worst possible thing that could happen. Because it never is.

Thank, God. He must really get tired of me acting so un-appreciatively. I know I’m incredibly blessed to have what I have. I just need to relax, sit back, and praise Him in this storm. Pretty soon the clouds will part and I’ll have a sweet baby boy to put to sleep in his espresso colored crib and the fact that his mommy was stressed over research papers and an achy body due to a lack of sitting options (and a PB&J) will no longer matter.

As always, thanks for listening!

Sincerely,

Basket-Kace, AKA- Mrs. K

The End.

In my recent studies, I came across this verse from Ecclesiastes that seems very fitting today-

“The end of a matter is better than the beginning, and patience is better than pride.” – Ecclesiastes 7:8

The end. Those can be bittersweet words, can’t they? In movies, it’s the point at which we finally feel that homeostasis returning to our bodies. The conflict has been resolved in some way and we can leave the movie in peace, knowing that all is right again in that little world. In our favorite books, we’re often glad to know what happened finally, but regretful that the story is no longer engrossing us.

‘The end’ can be happy or sad, but it is inevitable.

I look forward to so many ends and other beginnings. The end of this move is in sight. Don’t ask me how or why I can see the finish line, but I can. It looks relaxing there. The fact that once we arrive at Ft. Polk (find a doctor and find a house) I still won’t have time to sit down and put my feet up- matters very little. We’ll have a home again. The home that we’ll bring our son home from the hospital to. The home he’ll roll over for the first time. The end of our time here at Ft. Benning.

I’m excited.

I’m trying to have patience and enjoy every single day, but today was difficult for me. I won’t go into detail about all my pregnancy ailments because I know I can get complainy. But being 31 weeks pregnant in 98 degree weather with no furniture to relax on isn’t the only issue I’ve got going on. As I was laying in bed on the evil air mattress that has become my nemesis, I realized, “Mama K, while you were busy preparing to move and working on school work, you forgot about your other class.” That’s right. I signed up for three classes this summer, not two. A little word of advice: When an advisor tells you that you might not want to take on too much at first, LISTEN!

I got out of bed at 1am, hurried my pregnant self to Amazon.com, and frantically began my search for the books I would need for the additional class that starts in two weeks. After finding what I need and consequently spending a fortune to get the books here by Wednesday, you would think I would be able to rest. Not the case.

As you can plainly see, this end will be much better than the beginning. I’m keeping faith in that! The beginning started last Wednesday when all of our belongings were lovingly not so lovingly thrown into boxes and shipped to what will be our third home in the past year. Since then, I’ve endured a lot. No, really. 🙂 Okay, maybe I just feel as if I’ve been through the ringer.

The end of this move looks exciting to me.

Who cares if everyone says our next post is the armpit of the Army? Not this girl. This girl is just thankful for ends and new beginnings.

Lord, grant me patience (but not too much) 😉