Grad School Gloom

I have always enjoyed going to school. Even when I was pulling an all-nighter while working on my college thesis, certain I wouldn’t make the morning deadline. I even liked school when all of my data that I had entered into the computer was suspicioulsy erased less than 24 hours before my final research project was due and I had to start completely over on the analysis. I didn’t mind working tirelessly in the 24 hour computer lab all by myself even though I was pretty afraid of the dark of being alone on a ghost town campus in the wee hours of the morning. I lived on coffee and a prayer. I had the help of many wonderful friends that knew exactly what I was going through and could offer support, statistics refreshers, and breaks to our favorite bar hangout. Life was good. School was good and I excelled.

Now, I feel like quitting.

I don’t want to be a quitter. And I’ve always wanted to get my Master’s, but right now I just feel this tug towards something that I’m realizing is more important to me–motherhood. I feel like garbage when Baby K is crying and I’m frustrated because I can’t type out coherent sentences. I used to have so much time to really focus on what I’m writing. Now, I get ten minute incriments, like the one I have now and that’s hardly enough to create a paper that I’m proud of. I continue to do well, but it’s at the cost of my house and my sanity.

I know I need to stay the course, for lack of a better term. I know I need to have something to rely on if (God forbid) I find myself in a situation where I will need to support K and me. And I know that I’ll be proud when I do accomplish this goal of mine. Right now, though? It sucks. It’s terrible.

On top of it all, Captain J is headed out into the field again. Very soon. Like on my birthday soon.

It’s times like these when being a military spouse is so hard. I’m going to be alone with a fussy 3 month old while attempting to make good grades in an online class that has so much busy work. Sleep is a thing of the past. And I have to do all this without coffee now b/c it upsets Baby K’s tummy. This mama is stressed and feels like giving up.

I won’t though. Not yet anyway.

It’s the little things.

There have been so many moments when it hits me- how proud I am to be a military wife. It’s a role I never saw myself filling, but one I’m so grateful to have today. It’s the little things that remind me. Like the one time we were out to dinner in East TN and Captain J was asked about his Alaska t-shirt. He responded to the older gentleman that we were stationed in Alaska and made small talk after that. When we went to leave, we learned that our appetizers, dinner, and a bottle of wine were all taken care of, thanks to some guy who just wanted to show his appreciation. We didn’t even get to thank him.

I know it makes Captain J uncomfortable when people do this for him, but I just feel incredibly grateful and very proud to be a part of the military lifestyle.

It’s the little things. Like seeing my man in uniform walk through the door every day after work.

Like that first hug after a 12 month deployment.

Like hearing the national anthem and feeling such pride that my husband is among men and women who sacrifice their time to protect and serve our great country.

Like reading this post and relating to it so much.

It’s the little things that remind me how blessed I really am despite how hard this lifestyle may seem to others. I can’t imagine my life turning out any other way.

A reflective fourth

Tonight at dinner I couldn’t help but to feel reflective as I said our evening prayer. My thoughts are with our friends currently serving overseas. Doesn’t it seem so backward to celebrate them without them being home? Still, I’m grateful for all the sacrifices military men and women, past and present, have made for our great country and I’ll remember them as I watch a firework or two. I miss my family dearly this week and wish I could be home celebrating with them. But I’m also thanking my lucky stars my soldier is sleeping soundly beside me tonight. Happy 4th, y’all- from Louisiana!

Hooray, Giveaway!

As a military family, we’re often away from those I love. I miss birthdays, holidays, weddings, and random coffee dates with friends, among other things. This has been one of the hardest parts of being a part of the “silent ranks.” I can’t imagine raising Baby K while my Captain was off deployed to some third world country, forcing him to miss so many milestones. All of these reasons are why I’m hosting my very first giveaway!

What’s up for grabs, you say?

-a free story recorded with your own voice to send to those you love that you can’t be with at the moment, valued at $9.99! Fun, right? This opportunity is provided by BeThereBedTimeStories.com. Click on the link to try out the demo if you’d like. This program is super easy to use and there are tons of bedtime stories to choose from to make the special kid in your life feel a little bit closer to you.

After recording, the bedtime story can be accessed at any time for an unlimited amount of time. This means that any time your little munchkin, pumpkin, niece, nephew, grandson, granddaughter, et cetera can get a dose of Y-O-U whenever their little hearts desire!

Rules of this giveaway are simple:

1. You do NOT have to have a blog to enter.

2. You do NOT have to be a military family to win.

3. You DO have to leave a comment on this post telling me who you would record a story for and why. It can be brief 🙂

4. You Do have to leave an email address for contacting purposes.

5. For an additional entry, you can tweet about this giveaway. Be sure to let me know you did so by tweeting me (@KSJD22) or leaving it in the comment section.

How easy is that? This giveaway will end on Saturday, June 4th at 11 PM Eastern Standard Time.

I hope you all enjoy this opportunity as much as I have. It really is quite easy to use. Results will be posted after I randomly select a winner. Good luck!

hoping and praying

I like to play countdown games with the toaster. “5-4-3-2-1” and up pops the poptart. Perfect timing.

I enjoy a tall glass of water and a hot cup of decaf tea in the morning.

I don’t enjoy waking up with that old familiar feeling of dread, queasiness, and gloom.

Army Times can be both a helpful tool and a terrible nuisance. When J was deployed, I checked the website regularly, hoping and praying there was no news from Diyala Providence, Iraq. Now, I find myself searching for news from Afghanistan. Yesterday, my heart sank as I read the latest:

“Three Fort Wainwright soldiers have been killed by a roadside bomb in Afghanistan.

Army officials say the incident happened while the soldiers were on mounted patrol Monday afternoon in the city of Spin Ghbarga.

A fourth soldier, assigned to the unit the Alaska-based soldiers are replacing, also was killed.

Officials say two other soldiers from the brigade were wounded.

The 4,000 soldiers of the 1st Stryker Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division at Fort Wainwright, began deploying to Afghanistan in mid-April.

Army officials say that during the unit’s last deployment, from September 2008 to August 2009, it experienced five combat and two noncombat deaths.

Names of the soldiers killed were not released pending notification of relatives.”

Although, the terror I used to feel when hearing similar news those years ago has subsided, my worry and fear for those soldiers that Captain J served beside doesn’t go away. Friends are over there. It’s so easy to forget.

More than anything, I pray for my friends left behind by these brave soldiers. I remember what it’s like to not know. Feeling completely helpless and just trying to get through the day, hoping the communication outage will lift and that voice will be heard saying, “I’m safe” is a mixture of a emotions I cannot explain nor want to experience ever again.

I’m awake because at 0500 when J rolled out of bed to head into PT, I had to hug his neck and remind him how glad I am that he is home. Whether home is Georgia or Louisiana now, it doesn’t matter. He’s with me and I am forever grateful that I’m not going through this pregnancy alone.

Some of my brave friends can’t say the same. Please pray for them. For all the people left behind, for all the men and women serving- my thoughts and prayers are with you often.

Milspouse Appreciation

Calling all techies: Seriously, this is getting annoying. My lips don’t match my words in this video and it cuts off a tiny smidge at the end. Is this a youtube problem or a Mac problem- anyone know? It plays fine on the computer but when I upload it, it goes bezerk.

Righted.

I remember writing in a previous journal on September 11 ten years ago…

and today I wanted to discuss that ‘to be continued’ here now.

Moments ago, it was announced that Osama Bin Laden is at long last dead. My thoughts?

September 11 seems so long ago. I look at what all has transpired in my life since that dreadful day in American history and it feels like a lifetime has passed. I was a young high school student now I’m an educated wife and soon-to-be mother. I’m worlds apart from that girl I used to be. Time will do that to a person.

Ten years. A decade- and only now can the families of those loved ones lost on that terrible day experience a taste of revenge. That makes me glad to have him eradicated.

But really- what will it change?

I ask this honestly. Perhaps many a terrorists will think twice of discounting the ole U S of A, but I doubt it. Certainly, Americans will rally around this country in patriotic splendor. Surely, the announcement will lessen the talk of the recent Royal Wedding.

But nothing will change.

Our troops are still needed in the Middle East. It will take much more time to change that fact.

Still, in the recesses of this blog, I will say- I’m glad he’s dead.

I’m glad a man is dead.

That just doesn’t seem like something a good Christian gal would say.

For Osama’s soul, I am sad because I know he’s in hell. But for America, today I am proud. I’m elated for each person who lost someone dear to them in NYC, the Pentagon, and that field in PA. May a little more closure head their way. Tonight I will go to sleep feeling like the world has been slightly more righted.

God bless our troops.

“We will not tire, we will not falter, and we will not fail.”- George W. Bush, September 11, 2001

Our Great Migration

Remember when I promised you long, long ago that I would add more photos from our trip across America? Well, I’m a liar no more! Here they are…in all their glory. Please excuse my inability to make slideshows/movies/etc. There’s an extremely awkward part towards the end, but I have no desire to fix it. Maybe I’ll get better, ehh? Probably not. Enjoy!

Pregnant With Laughter Part 7

Hiya pals! Boy, do I have a pregnancy story (that I want to remember) to share with you today! Before I hop to it, I’ll go ahead and let you know that if you would like to join in to the link up then you can do so below. Simply share something humorous that happened to you during your pregnancy or link up a story about your funny kids. Feel free to steal the picture…and away we go!

I appreciate everyone who helped me and voted in my poll the other day about which dress to wear to the CG Reception. If you’re wondering what a CG Reception is- my husband tells me nothing- but my best guess is that it means Commanding General Reception because that’s where we went last night- to Ft. Benning’s General’s residence. It was so neat to see inside his place and hear about all the history there. The house is a lovely plantation home, originally built in 1919, I believe. This is fuzzy to me because as he was explaining it, I got a little dizzy, but that story is to come…

Anyway, thank you all again for voting and for my friends on facebook who left comments on my new photos from the night because you all really made my day!

Oh, and I’m so glad I didn’t go with dress number three because someone else definitely had that on.

On with my Pregnant With Laughter story:

I’m standing there on the beautiful hardwood floors under the historic chandeliers of Generals of the Army past when I’m suddenly feeling lightheaded. Great. Perfect. The room already felt like it was collapsing on me because even with a great pair of high heels, I was still one of the shortest people in the room. The ice left in my water had all but melted so I gulped down the last few drops and tapped my strapping Army Officer on the shoulder and leaned over to whisper, “Do you think it’s okay for me to sit down?”

The General had just been discussing that the couch nearest to me used to belong to so and so (add someone really important here), but all I knew is that it was about to hold this pregnant gal’s booty because I had to sit down. It was either sit down or fall down.

I told you Georgia is hot. I just got too hot in there.

So I sat down, trying not to pass out. As I did, this lady I had been chatting with earlier came over to check on me. She quickly began busying herself to get me more water and lots of fruit and crackers, while the rest of the gaggle of officers stood listening intently to this speech.

I felt like such a drama queen, but I figured it would be much worse to topple over, glass in hand, and embarrass Captain J.

After this lady graciously helped me in any way she could, I looked up again to see her entering the room and giving the General a quick wave. When I recounted what he had just said in my head, I realized he had announced her as so and so’s wife. But that meant she was a (one star) General’s other half.

Great. Perfect.

I was allowing this lady, who was important to the functioning of this party, to wait on me hand and foot.

I suppose that brings a whole new meaning to us preggos who think we’re entitled. Oh well, it’s a good story to remember.

I felt better almost immediately after I left the stuffy room and got some more food and water in my belly. No need to fear! Anyway, here are a few photos from last night (and here I am at Week 23!).

Thanks for reading. I’d love to have you link up your stories or leave them in the comment section!

RealMilitaryWives.tv

Hi there! I just wanted to drop a quick note to all my readers about the exciting new somethin’, somethin’ I’m involved in! It’s a new website that just launched today and it’s called RealMilitaryWives.tv . If you enjoy my vlogs, you will like this new site. Go look me up over there and browse around to meet other military wives from all over.  Thanks for watching!

(And now, unfortunately, I have to get back to my regular scheduled programing- aka dog sitting and supper cookin’)

We’ll chat soon.

Love,

Mrs. K